I eHate eRx's...

ERx's. Brilliant idea. Horrible execution. I got one with these directions.

"Take one tablet daily. 1/2 tab qd."

Time to make a phone call. After giving the "nurse" the patient's information and explaining that I have a question about the directions on the eRx that was just sent over to us, she locates the order in her system and proceeds to tell me, in quite the authoritative tone, "It says, 'take one tablet daily, one-half tab qd.'"

Oh ok, that clarifies things. Thank God this unparalleled genius answered the phone because I FORGOT HOW TO FUCKING READ!

Me: "Yes, that is what it says. So which is it?"

"Nurse": "Take one tablet daily, one-half tablet daily."

**crickets chirping**

"N": "Well, I think the doctor means one-half tablet daily."

M: "Ok, do we think? Or do we know?"

"N": "I'm pretty sure that's what he means."

M: "I don't want to guess, but if you are ok with guessing, what's your first and last name?"

**pause**

"N": "What'syournumberI'llcallyouback."

(For the record, I would have insisted she check with the prescriber before I filled the Rx.)

Tip of the Day

If you are being treated by one doctor with Subutex or Suboxone for "pain" and you go to Doc-in-the-Box for muscle relaxers and narcotics, take those prescriptions to a different chain. Because even though you assure me that you discussed your current medications with Doc, I am going to call and make sure he is aware that you are being treated by Dr. Drew with Subutex. Then don't get mad and yell at me for getting up in your "business," because if you had been smart enough to go to a different chain, you could have gotten your narcs and saved me from an adrenaline-induced splitting headache that I have suffered for the rest of the fucking day.

Worker's Comp!!!

I used to work overnights, and we would get some...uh...interesting people in there at the wee hours of the morning. At 4am, this beautiful girl, probably in her twenties, came in and wanted a recommendation for back pain. She was wearing a Pink jogging suit, had tons of makeup on, false eyelashes, and I think I saw a little glitter on her. Her shiny brunette hair was down to her butt, and she had huge boobs. She was gorgeous. (Aside: I'm not attracted to women, but I can objectively say that she was a pretty little thing.)

So I walked with her over to the pain relievers, and began my questions. Taking any meds currently? No, just birth control. Any chronic health conditions or history of ulcers? No. So how did it happen?

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

"I was doing the splits at work and I think I pulled something in my back."

Of course, I remained professional, and helped her choose an anti-inflammatory. I don't remember if she paid me all in singles, but if she did, I know I hit the hand sanitizer pretty heavy after she left.

Please Dress Professionally

Today we had CPR class at the district office. I am now able to give immunizations again, a fact for which I'm sure I will be sorry in a month when we start up with the flu extravaganza. The "rule" is that we are to dress professionally at the district office, even though we don't come into contact with any customers. Some of us came dressed up, and some came in jeans or shorts. I don't have a problem with dressing up, but we are doing skills assessment on each other, as well as mannequins, which means getting down on the floor. In my dress pants and shoes. And the shirt I chose to wear was the wrong choice, because everyone got a free show while I was bent over doing chest compressions on the mannequin. Oops. My partner was wearing a dress, so I spent more effort keeping her modest than making sure I could turn her over if she were unconscious. And since they haven't vacuumed the carpet since the office was opened, I left there covered in lint, dirt, and God knows what else all over my black pants. Lesson learned. I'm wearing jeans next time.

Judging Patients

Anyone else have trouble not scrutinizing a patient's hairline when he picks up Propecia? How about checking the size of the ass on that girl picking up Phentermine? She is usually smaller than me...maybe because she is taking weight loss drugs.

Light It Up and Take a Puff

I knicked this one from www.notalwaysright.com, a funny site about customer service encounters...occasionally they have pharmacy-related stories...


Don’t Hold Your Breath For This One
Pharmacy Boulder, CO, USA

(I am counseling a patient on using an inhaler.)

Me: “Do you know how to use an inhaler, sir?”

Patient: “Nope, never used one.”

Me: “Okay, you’ll want to begin inhaling, and then depress the inhaler as you are breathing in. Then, hold your breath for as long as possible to allow the medication to be absorbed into your lungs.”

Patient: “Oh, sort of like smoking pot…”


Actually, the patient is spot-on. I may have to incorporate this into my inhaler counseling...

Lord Help Me

Got a call from a lady today whose doctor had to change her from Diovan 160mg to Benicar for insurance reasons. Prescriber started her on Benicar 20mg, which I thought was pretty reasonable. She was concerned that it wasn't equivalent. We discussed the situation for a while, and I thought she got it, until she said, "So I need to take eight of these for it to work the same as my Diovan?"

OK, let's go over this again...

On the upside, at least the lady can multiply...