I eHate eRx's...

ERx's. Brilliant idea. Horrible execution. I got one with these directions.

"Take one tablet daily. 1/2 tab qd."

Time to make a phone call. After giving the "nurse" the patient's information and explaining that I have a question about the directions on the eRx that was just sent over to us, she locates the order in her system and proceeds to tell me, in quite the authoritative tone, "It says, 'take one tablet daily, one-half tab qd.'"

Oh ok, that clarifies things. Thank God this unparalleled genius answered the phone because I FORGOT HOW TO FUCKING READ!

Me: "Yes, that is what it says. So which is it?"

"Nurse": "Take one tablet daily, one-half tablet daily."

**crickets chirping**

"N": "Well, I think the doctor means one-half tablet daily."

M: "Ok, do we think? Or do we know?"

"N": "I'm pretty sure that's what he means."

M: "I don't want to guess, but if you are ok with guessing, what's your first and last name?"

**pause**

"N": "What'syournumberI'llcallyouback."

(For the record, I would have insisted she check with the prescriber before I filled the Rx.)

Tip of the Day

If you are being treated by one doctor with Subutex or Suboxone for "pain" and you go to Doc-in-the-Box for muscle relaxers and narcotics, take those prescriptions to a different chain. Because even though you assure me that you discussed your current medications with Doc, I am going to call and make sure he is aware that you are being treated by Dr. Drew with Subutex. Then don't get mad and yell at me for getting up in your "business," because if you had been smart enough to go to a different chain, you could have gotten your narcs and saved me from an adrenaline-induced splitting headache that I have suffered for the rest of the fucking day.

Worker's Comp!!!

I used to work overnights, and we would get some...uh...interesting people in there at the wee hours of the morning. At 4am, this beautiful girl, probably in her twenties, came in and wanted a recommendation for back pain. She was wearing a Pink jogging suit, had tons of makeup on, false eyelashes, and I think I saw a little glitter on her. Her shiny brunette hair was down to her butt, and she had huge boobs. She was gorgeous. (Aside: I'm not attracted to women, but I can objectively say that she was a pretty little thing.)

So I walked with her over to the pain relievers, and began my questions. Taking any meds currently? No, just birth control. Any chronic health conditions or history of ulcers? No. So how did it happen?

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

"I was doing the splits at work and I think I pulled something in my back."

Of course, I remained professional, and helped her choose an anti-inflammatory. I don't remember if she paid me all in singles, but if she did, I know I hit the hand sanitizer pretty heavy after she left.