Thursday, July 8, 2010

Hyphenated Names

Ok, I’m just going to come right out and say it…I hate these uppity bitches with their hyphenated names. And it’s not so much the annoying Feminazi aspect of it…it’s because of scenarios like this…

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Mrs. Uppity-Bitch: “Yes, I’m picking up a prescription for Bitch”

Me: “Ok, let me see here…I am not seeing anything under that name…Was it a refill? Or did you drop off a new piece of paper prescription?”

Mrs. U-B: *with attitude* “I gave it to her right over there two hours ago and she said it would be ready in 15 minutes”

Me: “How do you spell the last name again?”

Mrs. U-B: *yelling* “B-I-T-C-H, just like it sounds”

Me: “Ok, let me dig a bit here”

Mrs. U-B: “Every time I come here, there is some kind of problem…you people can’t ever get my stuff taken care of on time. You are always losing my prescriptions”

Me: “Is there any other name it could be under?”

Mrs. U-B: “It’s under first name 'Raging,' last name 'Bitch.' That is my name. I don’t see what the problem is here.”

Me: “Ok, what’s the date of birth?”

Mrs. U-B: “6/6/60”

Me: “Could it possibly be under Raging Uppity-Bitch?”

Mrs. U-B: “Yes that’s me.”

Me: *sigh, finishes transaction* “Ok, so should we change your name from Raging Uppity-Bitch to Raging Bitch?”

Mrs. U-B: *irritated* “No, my name is Uppity-Bitch. It’s hyphenated.”

Me: *goes into the stockroom and hangs herself from the top shelves*

So, the moral of the story is…Bitches with hyphenated names should decide if they are going to be hyphenated or not. Or at least be halfway intelligent enough to realize that when we have trouble finding something using your name, tell us about the hyphenation. If you want a hyphenated name, use your hyphenated name ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Or I will hang myself in the stockroom. The end.


  1. Completely agree, then they usually will add more insult and smart off with something like we should know that their name is hyphenated. Had a lady that fit this description to a T, finally got her trained to give us both names. This can also be said about a few men too though. Say a guy named William but goes by Bill, for instance a William Smith, but we have him as Bill in the computer because "noone calls him william" but every e-script comes in as william, every hand written script comes in as william, but every time he comes to pick up he asks for Bill. Use your legal name at the bank, doctor's office, and pharmacy, its a simple fix.

  2. Regarding the William/Bill...if I ever have kids (without fur), I will name them what they are called. I have a long name and a short name, and I get called all kinds of permutations of the long's the most irritating thing ever to have to correct people and tell them yet again what your name is.

  3. LOL !!!! I think I waited on that same customer except her name was Miss Uppity Bitch in a JogBra with a Tattoo Over the Left Boob. It just amazes me how they can take the simplest, most basic piece of information we need --- their NAME -- and turn it into World War 3.

  4. Car rental is no different. I've wasted hours of my life frantically typing and searching for a name, just to be told fifteen minutes in that it's a hyphenated name, or, more irritating, that it's only one or the other.